‘Chill out’, ‘relax’, ‘everything is going to be alright’, ‘take it easy’, ‘don’t be so serious’, ‘be carefree’, ‘you can do it so don’t push yourself too hard’, I repeated these words to myself whenever I found myself stressed out because of my studies. I believed that not being stressed about things will help me to succeed. I wanted to be the kind of person who achieves things without much effort. I wanted to work smart. I didn’t want to push myself, so I decided to do things only when I felt like doing it.
What I didn’t realize was that I was becoming more and more confident in myself (I did well in the previous exams after all) that I started underestimating the difficulty of the task. I thought I can do anything as long as my mind is calm and relaxed. I wanted to be pulled by inspiration rather than being pushed by fear or motivation. So I took my time studying for exams and was slacking most of the time, waiting for myself to feel fired up to study. I was totally optimistic about things, thinking only of the best possibilities. I totally rejected the idea that I was wasting time waiting for me to feel like learning. Optimism is one thing, but ridiculous optimism is totally another thing. I was carefree, didn’t bother thinking about the future. Having fun in the present was the top priority.
Then came the final examination, which attended with the same I don’t care attitude ( because I was so sure that I’ll ace it). But the results were not what I expected it to be. I learned a valuable lesson that I was holding myself back because I didn’t want to push myself harder. Since I wasn’t so serious about the exam I spent several hours on anime which could have been avoided if had myself motivated(instead of waiting to be inspired). My carefree attitude gave place for distractions and those distractions did their jobs right in keeping me away from studying.
I got the whole idea of carefree wrong, but now I know that it is all about balance (Too much of something is good for nothing, right?). I need to balance my focus and my carefree attitude so that I can be focused on my goals while being free from stress and anything that would limit me. Not getting myself stressed was a good thing, but I lost sight of my goal as time went by.
I learned that forcing oneself is not a bad thing, and is truly necessary to succeed. There is no easy way which will lead us to success. From this experience I learned that my goal should be to ‘go beyond’, beyond the normal and the ordinary, which paves the path for triumph. Giving it my all is the best thing that I could do to make myself a better future.
Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.