I’m the kind of person who feels comfortable around the people I don’t know (as long as they don’t look murderous that is). I chat with anonymous people on chatango, but I turn off the chat on facebook, so that I won’t have to chat with the people I know. I can tell all my personal stuffs to a stranger (not talking about bank details), but I can’t say the same thing to a relative of mine (a ‘relative’ specifically, because I’m comfortable with everyone else).
So, today, I decided to investigate the reason for my actions (or should I say preference?). To be honest, my relatives are as familiar as a stranger to me. I don’t know much about either of them (except the fact that I know my relative’s name, and I know that they won’t abduct me, or something). Besides, a perfect stranger might be true to me (express their true feelings), whereas a person I know, might not always be true to me, because…well, they know me.
But again, if they don’t bother going out of their way to help me out, I’m glad, but, what if they help me just for the sake of maintaining their image or something? What if they help me, even though they think that I’m a pain. What if they act nice to me, just because they know me. Maybe these are the reasons why I don’t feel comfortable around the people I know.
Never mind those things, just the fact that they know make me anxious at times, and I won’t open up (and do the same thing what I suspected that they’d be doing), and that’s the real problem here.
In the end, it’s just a barrier in my mind. Stranger, or a relative, they’re still a human, and humans wear masks, act nice, please the society, and you can never say for sure that a person is being honest (especially if you are skeptical like me). It doesn’t matter if it’s a person you know, or it’s just a stranger, everybody is gonna live their own lives, and so should I. I’m not the center of everybody’s life, so I don’t have to worry about how I look in their eyes. I should just speak my mind, and everything else is up to them. I should let my guard down, because that guard is making me to fake things (fake in the sense of not being able to be open about my true feelings) to people, which is something I wouldn’t want them to do to me.
So, let’s, you and I, try to be act the same way to everybody, no discrimination, right? (if you’re thinking it’s easier said than done…I totally feel you, bub. I totally feel you, but just what isn’t easier said than done anyways? )