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How I’ve Changed: Sleep

It’s time to look back, and see how far I’ve come, and how different I am from the person I used to be.


My Sleep.

Before change (let’s call this period of my life BC from now on):

*rolls in the bed*

Me:”I’ve got exam tomorrow! I learned everything, right?” *gets anxious* ” Yeah, I did. Okay, calm down, and let’s go to sleep now”

……* creak*

The door moves making a mild creaking noise.

Me:*gets frustrated* “damn that door, I know I forgot to lock it”

*goes and locks the door*

……………..*paper rustles*

Me: *gets even more frustrated and anxious* “that’s it. This world is plotting against my sleep. FINE.”

*throws the book into the shelf and looks around*

Me: “I’d better get rid of everything that might make a sound”

After a while….

Me: “All clear.” *goes to bed*

……*dog barks*

Me: *heart starts beating faster in anguish and frustration* ” ‘kay,  I’m not gonna sleep tonight. I’m gonna flunk tomorrow’s exam, yep, that’s my fate……..I hate this life, but still I have to sleep, so calm down. relax.”

…….*dog barks again*

Me: “Hahaha. I know you were gonna bark YOU STUPID DOG” (as if it can hear me)  *goes crazy*  “IMMA KILL YA!!!”

…….

Me: “But I can’t. I don’t have what it takes. I’m worthless.” *prays the dog not to bark again*

After hours of rolling around….

*looks at the clock*

Me: *feels worse* “……I have to wake up in another 4 hours to revise for exam….but…..”

*almost cries*

………

After a while…..

*Finally goes to sleep by some miracle*


After Change (Let’s call this period of my life AC from now on):

Me: *checks if the door is locked* ” Mhm. Everything is set. Thanks for this wonderful and awesome day. I had fun”

….*goes to sleep within another 15 min*

……*dog barks*

Me: *smiles* “See I’m way cooler now. Thanks for training me. You taught me patience, my friend”

………

*closes his eyes, and goes to sleep*


(I still can’t sleep even if I can here a subtle sound, but I just don’t get pissed off. Instead, I laugh it off.)


So, in AC, I realized that I was the reason, I wasn’t able to sleep. I realized that me going to sleep doesn’t mean the world must sleep too. Instead of getting worked up about, I just stay relaxed and calm, and voila, I can sleep easily now. Even if I don’t feel like sleeping, I at least don’t get anxious, because I know I can get through tomorrow. I just say to myself that I have lot of energy and I don’t need sleep, and that’s why I awake. I stay positive. And that keeps me from getting anxious, which in turn, gifts me with a wonderful sleep. So, people, stay positive!

But in BC, I beat myself down for not being able to sleep. I always think of the worst case scenario. My thoughts are so negative, which gives way to anxiety, and I in the end, I can’t sleep.

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