It’s time to look back, and see how far I’ve come, and how different I am from the person I used to be.
Before change (let’s call this period of my life BC from now on):
*rolls in the bed*
Me:”I’ve got exam tomorrow! I learned everything, right?” *gets anxious* ” Yeah, I did. Okay, calm down, and let’s go to sleep now”
The door moves making a mild creaking noise.
Me:*gets frustrated* “damn that door, I know I forgot to lock it”
*goes and locks the door*
Me: *gets even more frustrated and anxious* “that’s it. This world is plotting against my sleep. FINE.”
*throws the book into the shelf and looks around*
Me: “I’d better get rid of everything that might make a sound”
After a while….
Me: “All clear.” *goes to bed*
Me: *heart starts beating faster in anguish and frustration* ” ‘kay, I’m not gonna sleep tonight. I’m gonna flunk tomorrow’s exam, yep, that’s my fate……..I hate this life, but still I have to sleep, so calm down. relax.”
…….*dog barks again*
Me: “Hahaha. I know you were gonna bark YOU STUPID DOG” (as if it can hear me) *goes crazy* “IMMA KILL YA!!!”
Me: “But I can’t. I don’t have what it takes. I’m worthless.” *prays the dog not to bark again*
After hours of rolling around….
*looks at the clock*
Me: *feels worse* “……I have to wake up in another 4 hours to revise for exam….but…..”
After a while…..
*Finally goes to sleep by some miracle*
After Change (Let’s call this period of my life AC from now on):
Me: *checks if the door is locked* ” Mhm. Everything is set. Thanks for this wonderful and awesome day. I had fun”
….*goes to sleep within another 15 min*
Me: *smiles* “See I’m way cooler now. Thanks for training me. You taught me patience, my friend”
*closes his eyes, and goes to sleep*
(I still can’t sleep even if I can here a subtle sound, but I just don’t get pissed off. Instead, I laugh it off.)
So, in AC, I realized that I was the reason, I wasn’t able to sleep. I realized that me going to sleep doesn’t mean the world must sleep too. Instead of getting worked up about, I just stay relaxed and calm, and voila, I can sleep easily now. Even if I don’t feel like sleeping, I at least don’t get anxious, because I know I can get through tomorrow. I just say to myself that I have lot of energy and I don’t need sleep, and that’s why I awake. I stay positive. And that keeps me from getting anxious, which in turn, gifts me with a wonderful sleep. So, people, stay positive!
But in BC, I beat myself down for not being able to sleep. I always think of the worst case scenario. My thoughts are so negative, which gives way to anxiety, and I in the end, I can’t sleep.